I still catch myself reaching for my phone to call or text you to see when you are coming home. I still think about things I want to tell you. Sometimes I hear something and I think it's you. Then I remember. And for just a second, the world stops.
There are so many things I wish I could tell you.
First, I need you to know something that I hope you always knew while you were here. I love you. Not because of what you did. Not because of what you accomplished. Not because you were perfect. I loved you because you were my son.
From the time you were just a little guy, I had the privilege of watching you grow into an incredible man. I wasn't there the day you were born, but I got to be your dad for almost everything that came after. That was one of the greatest gifts my life has ever given me.
Thank you for letting me be your dad. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for all the ordinary days.
You know, those are the ones I think about the most now. Working on projects together. Figuring out how to fix something. Standing in the garage or kitchen talking about nothing important. Laughing when something didn't go according to plan. Those moments didn't seem special at the time. Now I know they were everything.
People have told me how kind you were. They've shared stories about the things you did for them that I never even knew about. Every time I hear one, I smile, because that's exactly who you were. You made this world better just by being yourself.
I wish you could see how many lives you've touched. I wish you could see how many people showed up because they loved you. I wish you could see how proud your mom and I are. We always have been. We always will be.
I've spent a lot of time asking myself questions that don't have answers. Could I have seen something? Could I have done something different? Could I have called one more time? Could I have hugged you one more time? I don't know if those questions will ever leave me.
But I do know this. If I had known how much you were hurting, I would have moved heaven and earth to sit beside you. You would never have had to carry that weight alone. I'm so sorry that you felt like you did. Reading your words broke my heart—not because I was disappointed in you, but because I could feel how much you were suffering. I wish I could have carried some of that pain for you. I'd have carried all of it if I could.
There are things I still want to do with you. Trips we never took. Projects we never finished. Conversations we never had. I always thought we had more time. I think that's the hardest part. Life doesn't tell us when we're having our last conversation. If it had, I would have held onto you a little longer before you walked away.
I want you to know that we'll take care of Mom. We'll take care of Tanner. We'll keep telling your stories. We'll laugh about the things you did that drove us crazy. We'll remember your smile. We'll remember your heart. We'll remember the kind of man you became.
And I promise you this. As long as I'm here, your name will never stop being spoken. I'm going to make sure people know who Tristan Jensen was—not because of how your life ended, but because of how you lived it.
You taught me something without ever meaning to. Life isn't measured by years. It's measured by love. And son... you gave us a lifetime of love in twenty-one years.
One day, I hope I'll see you again. I don't know what that looks like. I don't know when that day will come. But I know the first thing I'll want to do is hug you. And then we'll find a project to work on, just like we always did.
Until then, I'll carry you with me. Every day. Every sunrise. Every quiet drive. Every time I see an ATV on a trail. Every time I see a cruise ship. Every time I fix something with my hands. Because that's where you'll always be.
Thank you for letting me be your dad. Thank you for being my son. Thank you for being my friend.
I love you more than words will ever be able to say.
Until we meet again.
Love always,
Dad
